Cousins Kayla Meyers and Tori LaBelle grew up feeling as close as sisters. 

As part of a large, close-knit Catholic family, they recall busy holidays where they and their mostly female gaggle of cousins would wreak havoc on their grandparents’ house. 

“Christmas was always just all of us being in Grandma and Pop’s basement, being noisy and just like wrapping paper chaos,” recalled Meyers.

Being part of a big Catholic family also meant being opposed to abortion. 

As they became adults, Meyers and LaBelle chose different professions and moved to states on opposite ends of the country. And during that time, their views on abortion access diverged, too. But they’ve maintained a close relationship despite the difference, learning from each other along the way. 

Evolving views

In her teen years, Meyers said she was against abortion, like most of her family. In high school, she even participated in the annual anti-abortion rally in Washington, D.C. called the March for Life. 

But by college, Meyers was having doubts that extended beyond her views on abortion.

“My relationship with my views on abortion has evolved completely in tandem with my relationship with organized religion,” she said. “When one shook the other shook.”

She came to believe that the decision to have a child should be up to a woman and their doctor. 

One Christmas, Meyers’ newly formed ideas about abortion became clear to LaBelle, because Meyers had made a donation to Planned Parenthood in her cousins’ names. 

“I was like, ‘Okay, this is how I know,’” said LaBelle. “Meanwhile I’m studying religion at a Catholic university.”

LaBelle said there are plenty of people in the family for whom Meyers’ revelation might have “blown up Christmas.” But, she said, “Kayla and I have a relationship that’s not built on that.”

Today, Meyers, 34, lives in a Minneapolis suburb. LaBelle, 31, lives in Baton Rouge, La. 

Unlike her cousin, who has moved away from the Catholic church, LaBelle has leaned in. She’s the director of family ministry at a Catholic church. And opposition to abortion is a big part of her community’s culture, too. LaBelle takes high school students to the March for Life, and she says she has participated in prayer vigils outside of reproductive health centers that provide abortion care.

LaBelle says that on paper, she and Meyers look like they’re on opposite sides of this issue. But what keeps them connected is all the places where they overlap.

“We look at a woman in a crisis pregnancy and who’s thinking of choosing abortion, and we’re saying, ‘I am so sorry you’re in this spot,’” said LaBelle. “‘I wish you could be in a spot where taking on kids was a joy and you had community support and support from your family and support from society and your government and you were able to afford all those things.’”

Motherhood shapes compassion

Both Meyers and Labelle said that motherhood has shaped their views on abortion. 

Meyers pointed out that six in ten people who seek an abortion have had at least one other child, and likely already have kids at home. That statistic profoundly shaped her view, especially once she had kids of her own and struggled with postpartum depression. 

“I now know that it’s just so complex,” she said. “It’s such a difficult thing. It is very, very hard to navigate being pregnant, having children and being postpartum.”

LaBelle said  that having four children herself has deepened her sense of empathy for people who have kids and don’t feel like they can have another.

“These are women who have children and love those children and understand the sacrifice of children,” she said. “They look at a positive pregnancy test and say, ‘I can’t. I can’t sacrifice anymore.’ That hurts so bad, because it’s not because women are selfish that they choose abortion. They are backed into a corner.”

Learning from each other

LaBelle and Meyers talk about all these issues. A lot.  

They regularly check in with each other, especially when they know that a news development could be hard on the other person.

That happened when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in 2022. LaBelle was relieved; Meyers was gutted. But they leaned on each other to talk about what needed to come next. 

LaBelle listed off her priorities: “Affordable health care, affordable child care, paid parental leave for mothers and fathers, lots of government programs but also nonprofit support too.”

For Meyers, it was solace to hear her cousin advocate for these services. 

“There’s about to be babies in this world who are going to be born in situations where parents would have said, ‘I can’t have a child in this moment,’” she said. “And so I appreciated that someone was seeing it. This disagreement isn’t a sport. It’s not Vikings vs. Packers; it is people’s lives.”

Both cousins said the way abortion gets talked about politically washes over a lot of nuance and pits people against each other in a manner they reject.

“Having been someone who was mourning the lives of the unborn, I can hold a lot of compassion for that feeling,” said Meyers. “Whether you’re mourning the loss of life in utero, or you’re mourning the loss of life for people who are seeking reproductive care, or your mourning loss of choice, it’s a hard, devastating topic.”

Both she and LaBelle can agree on that, too, and they’re trying to figure out how to get through it together.