“When
you
think
about
it,
therapy
is
a
bit
of
an
odd
proposition.”

That’s
what
Collin
Vernay,
a
licensed
psychologist
based
in
Washington,
D.C.,
told
HuffPost
when
asked
what
a
first
therapy
session
is
really
like.

“It
involves
two
strangers
meeting
to
discuss
some
of
the
most
intimate,
vulnerable
and
raw
details
of
someone’s
life,”
he
said.

Over
the
past
few
years,
more
Americans
have


reported

having
poor
mental
health.
As
people
start
therapy
for
the
first
time,
many
walk
into
these
offices
without
any
real
sense
of
what
to
expect
or
how
they’re
supposed
to
act.

Here’s
what
therapists
want
people
to
know.

Crying
—
or
not
—
is
normal
either
way.

There
is
no
concrete
list
of
how
patients


should

behave
when
meeting
a
therapist
for
the
first
time.

“There
is
no
‘normal,’”
Krista
Jordan,
a
psychotherapist
in
Texas,
told
HuffPost.
“It
depends
a
lot
on
whether
or
not
people
have
done
therapy
before.”

The
first
session
helps
establish
a
relationship
between
a
therapist
and
a
client.
By
sharing
what
brings
them
in,
the
client
can
help
the
therapist
begin
to
shape
what
they
need
to
focus
on
in
early
sessions.
The
client
can
then
determine
whether
they
want
to
trust
the
therapist
and
want
to
keep
meeting
to
talk
about
more.

“A
therapist
is
not
expecting
you
to
cry
or
not
to
cry
when
first
meeting,
nor
will
they
force
you
into
feelings
that
are
too
intense
or
overwhelming
to
feel
just
yet,”
Vernay
said.

Some
people
are
surprised
by
how
quickly
their
emotions
surface.

“Sometimes
recalling
the
painful
or
traumatic
reasons
for
beginning
therapy
can
lead
to
feelings
of
sadness,
discomfort,
anxiety
or
crying,”
Vernay
said.

But
others
may
feel
flat,
and
that’s
just
as
normal
as
crying.
“These
early
meetings
may
feel
more
matter-of-fact
as
we’re
warming
up
to
each
other,”
Vernay
said.
“It’s
natural
when
first
meeting
a
therapist
to
feel
a
bit
nervous
or
awkward,
and
the
goal
of
a
good
therapist
is
usually
to
put
newcomers
at
ease.”

“There’s
no
way
to
know
if
a
person
will
cry
or
not
cry
in
the
first
two
sessions,”
Jordan
said.
“Patients
tell
me
they
surprise
themselves.”

It
can
take
a
few
sessions
to
feel
at
ease.

Feeling
like
you’re
still
sizing
each
other
up
after
the
first
meeting
doesn’t
mean
something
is
wrong.

Psychologists
Arthur
Bohart
and
Amy
Greaves
Wade
argue
in
“The
Client
in
Psychotherapy”

that
the
relationship
between
a
therapist
and
their
client
tends
to
solidify
around
the
fifth
meeting.

This
timeline
coincides
with
another
factor
that
patients
have
to
keep
in
mind:
They
need
to
actively
engage
with
what
the
therapist
advises
and
offers
them,
Bohart
and
Wade
found.
Therapy
isn’t
magic;
the
patient
also
has
to
put
in
work
for
the
process
to
be
effective.

“It’s
normal
to
feel
a
variety
of
feelings
when
first
starting
therapy,
and
my
general
advice
would
be
to
stick
with
it
for
at
least
a
few
sessions
before
deciding
whether
or
not
a
therapist
is
right
for
you,”
Vernay
said.

But
it’s
fine
if
you
want
to
switch
therapists.

Sometimes,
it’s
just
not
a
match.

What
feels
off
at
first
—
that
awkwardness,
the
nerves,
that
slow
build
of
trusting
the
therapist
—
will
fade
as
the
relationship
develops.

“At
its
best,
that
initial
nervousness
melts
with
time
into
a
deep
trust
and
abiding
care,
feelings
that
are
part
and
parcel
of
what
makes
therapy
so
transformative,”
Vernay
said.

Exactly
how
long
it
takes
varies
by
therapist.
Jordan
told
HuffPost
she
encourages
patients
to
give
therapists
around
six
to
eight
visits
before
deciding
whether
the
therapist
is
the
right
“fit”
for
them.

There
is
one
exception,
though
—
sticking
around
for
about
a
year
and
then
suddenly
wanting
out
can
mean
something
different.

“I
would
be
concerned
that
maybe
the
therapist
is
starting
to
push
you
a
bit
(in
a
good
way)
or
maybe
you
are
getting
into
topics
that
feel
uncomfortable
(but
are
necessary),”
Jordan
said.
“In
that
case,
the
desire
to
quit
starts
to
look
like
what
we
call
‘resistance,’
which
is
the
patient’s
unconscious
mind
trying
to
sabotage
the
therapy
[because
it’s
uncomfortable].”